It's on this day for honoring fathers I have to confess I feel mixed emotions. The truth is, I don't truly know my father, and after what he did to my mother, I don't want to know him and neither does she.
And I won't mince words as to why. I was born of my mother being raped.
However, in that my mother chose not to curse me for the sins of my father and decided I should be allowed to be brought into this world anyway. I couldn't be more grateful, as I eventually met the man who I now call Father with pride, and while we may not share blood, I don't need a drop between us to consider him my true Father.
Granted, it wasn't an easy road to that end. My mother had been married twice before. Her first husband I share nothing by a name with, one of the few things I got from that worthless whoremonger deadbeat that I'm proud of. Her second husband was not much of an improvement and after being twice burned, she was quite reluctant to get married again, despairing of finding an honorable man to be worthy of her.
However, she met my father, John Edward Vaughan, and they've been married since 1997. They've had a long and faithful marriage to this very day, to the joy of them both, as he left his first wife after she was caught committing adultery, and both are very proud that their spouse has proven to not have the slightest doubt to grant the other they might forsake them for another.
As for me, back when they first married, while I was finally sure my mother had found a worthy husband, I confess I wasn't so sure about whether we'd be compatible as a father and son. His interests and mine diverged wildly, and in our early years was a teething process where I found we often drove each other up the wall.
That said, I also found some surprising things too. While not the most sensitive of people, he could be empathic to my concerns as I grew older when I needed him most. While admittedly not an intellectual, his insight into human nature far surpassed my own. And most surprisingly, when I found myself consumed by weaknesses of a spiritual nature, God invested him with the strength to hold me up morally when I wasn't sure what to do.
As a result of his example and not wanting to squander my mother's bringing me into this world despite my birth father's sins, I made several resolutions. I would never countenance harm to a woman or children. I would honor his respect for me as he returned it. And finally, if I couldn't have a father by blood I could know and be proud of, then I would drop the "step" from the man who proved even more worthy than I deserved and honor him like I had been born his own son.
And in retrospect, I'm glad I have. I'm not keen on having children myself, nor am I interested in marriage, but I'm grateful my mother found a good man to be a father to her children, me especially. All I can do in return even if I remain single and childless is to not disrespect the miracle of someone I can proudly call my Father because that man and my Heavenly Father are owed that from me, and both deserve my loyalty for all they have done to bless me.
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