Farewell to Kiwi Farms for good this time

I've made a post or two here before about having left there for awhile, but this time I have crossed the Rubicon and requested a permaban. I've already deleted my passwords and whether the permaban is granted or not, I don't care, I'm leaving and not returning this time.

Thing is, I don't hate the guy who runs the place, or at least he's not the focus of my anger. My anger is directed at the people there who harassed, hazed, defamed, doxed, and otherwise made my life there a living hell. Yes, I'm well aware "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen", so I'm taking that advice and getting out.

I thought I could handle it for the longest time. I really did, and looking back, it wasn't so bad for awhile. However, as the site changed, as people came and went, and as cliques formed and prejudices hardened, certain people became the "cool kids", and the rest were bleeding meat for the dogs to savage. That was me as the latter.

I don't hide things by nature. It doesn't come easily to me, hence why I used the same username everywhere and even write under my real name on ChristCenteredGamer. I have absolutely nothing to hide in a legal sense, I admit I don't have the most moral past (read the earlier entries on this blog if you want a good sample of that), and I'm probably not half as decent a human being as I want to be regarded as.

At the same time, I have standards. I am not cruel enough to viciously distort the truth about something to troll them, at least I'm not very good at it because I like whatever I give someone grief over to be based on some measure of fact I could take into a court of law and argue with a decent chance of success. Outright lying about people is not my forte either, I'm not all that great at that and am too morally repulsed by doing so to properly learn how. Being vicious for the sake of riling people is also not my specialty, and I'd rather be shot than grow comfortable with such a vile act.

In short, I'm a "moralfag". I'm a wimp. I'm too much of bleeding heart to put up with that crap. I admit without shame it was probably the worst mistake of my life to get the slightest bit involved with the Kiwi Farms, but what's done is done, and if asked if I was a member, I will tell the truth, as much as I might live to regret it.

Thanks to being a member there, I have been subjected to far more crap than I ever expected to put up with, had some petty former moderator named "zedkissed60" there dox me and my family out of sheer spite, had my every action cast into the worst possible light and people who will never have the spine and guts to ever speak to me face to face call me a horrible human being based on little more than a distorted version of my actual actions and their own preconceptions.

And I refuse to deal with it for another second. I'd rather leave on my own terms and be banned on my own request (and if the latter isn't honored it makes no difference), but at the very least I left because I chose to. The site in question is a sinking ship that I doubt will last till the end of this year as the owner has admitted they want to start a family and move onto other things, and I wish Joshua "Null" Moon the best with that, I cannot hate a man who has shown me far more regard than I probably deserve, but I cannot stomach the company he keeps. And while there are many people there who deserve my respect and honor, there are some who would kick me while I down and live stream it on Facebook so the world could laugh at my pain, and those people I refuse to put up with for another second.

This all said, my past, insofar as I have revealed it and public records can be mined for information, is an open book. I cannot control what conclusions people infer from what they find, and I'm not going to try with those who assume the worst just to be vicious to me.

As for the facts, I have committed no crimes, I have confessed to nothing on the internet I would be ashamed to explain to my friends and family, and if the Kiwi Farms wants to do something as utterly spiteful as making a "lolcow" thread on me, well, so be it, I'm in the public eye as a journalist now, not like I didn't expect this might happen, but that thread will have to exist without my input, and I'm not defending my good name to those who've already decided I must be scum because to assume such is funnier in their eyes. Besides, my name is "Daniel", Hebrew for "God is my Judge", and that's the only one I fear, not the opinion of men.

That said, for the decent people there who know what I really am and always treated me with respect, you know where to find me elsewhere. As to those who have wished me nothing but contempt, you can quit hazing me on the Farms. You can quit leaving me comments on this blog (which is moderated) to troll. You can crow about your victory over me leaving your fetid hovel as much as you like, your scorn is my glory.

That said, I have no intention to join any successor to the Kiwi Farms. I don't deny being a member of the Farms, but I disavow anything to do with it's more vile nature and want nothing more to do with it in any form. They spat on every other community for being vile pits of perdition, and since I despise hypocrisy, I now do the same to them.

I will not harass it's members. I will not dox anyone from there. I will not nurse stupid grudges like has been done to me, and I would hope and pray they have the maturity to leave me in peace if I leave them in peace. If they cannot do so or are unwilling to do so, then all I can do is what Jesus did as he was crucified and Stephen did as he was stoned and leave this in God's hands.

From now on, I hope what time has been freed from no longer associating with the Farms can be spent towards other things, and while I will not pretend this chapter in my life never happened, it deserves no glory as far as I'm concerned either.