In praise of my working for CCG, a retrospective
I've written for ChristCenteredGamer for some time now, and given I started around May 2019, am still around Feburary 2020, and have every intention of sticking around as long as I can, I just want to reflect on what I'm thankful for since I started working for them.
First off, working for them was not something I immediately considered. I was aware of them long beforehand of course, and while I liked their work, I never thought I'd consider writing for them, until one day I realized they didn't review a game I had in my Steam Library and figured if no one else was going to write it, I could write it for them. That got the ball rolling to where I am today.
I've written game reviews before, as well as reviews for other media, mostly here on this blog, and, I admit, I have written reviews for some very adult media on this very blog. I'm not ashamed to admit that because I no longer have an interest in doing so. I'm not removing any of what I wrote, I have no intention of denying my past; rather it's a reminder of what I stood for then. What I stand for now is something I hope is more pleasing to both myself and more importantly, to the God whose Son died for me.
ChristCenteredGamer has given me an outlet for several interests of mine. First, I love video games. Second, I like to express my thoughts via writing, and finally, I like the idea of helping others. CCG has given me a way to satisfy all three criteria. Second, I always hated what game journalism became since I saw it was like when I was younger, and now I get do more than preach impotently about it, I get to be part of the solution to the problem I bemoaned.
I will admit some things about working for CCG did initially bother me. While I understood their need for including a "moral score" due to their Christian outlook, coming from a revulsion of writing with an ideological chip on the shoulder, I admit it made me uncomfortable at first, even though the moral score was separate from the score on the game on it's technical merits and was written as it's own section that could be discarded at user preference. With time, I've come to realize the discomfort wasn't just me worrying I'd become what I didn't want to be, but it also had another reason, one I didn't want to admit initially, but I must for reasons of honesty.
It forces me to remind myself that while the ultimate decision to do good or evil remains with me alone, what media I consume is also my decision, and what influences that media has on my moral conduct is something I must consider if I wish to avoid normalizing the temptation to do things I know I shouldn't. Having come to terms with that, I'm grateful now I have to always keep that in mind, I have forsaken a lot of media I used to consume that was quite inappropriate for me morally, and I believe I have been made better off for it.
Some of the games I play for review purposes do force me to revisit that area I decided to leave fallow for my own moral benefit, but I do so now for a better cause: to brave the feral jackals of those moral pitfalls so that I may warn my fellow Christians about what to avoid. Having once lived amongst those jackals at one point, I believe I can use my former past experiences to now serve as warning what to avoid, both for myself and for others who wish to minimize the negative influences of this world upon them.
I'm aware my writing has earned me both friends and enemies, and as I learned, my friends are a loving Christian community who has been there for me in times of hardship, and even more importantly, served as a conscience for me when my own was lacking, and while it shamed me to be found wanting when I was rebuked, I accept that gladly, as I believe I have been kept on a better path in the long run.
As to my enemies, I have had my religion, my family, and myself cursed and scorned by those who have nothing but bad faith and ill will for what I do and what I stand for. So be it. Jesus was cursed and spat on by those he came to help, and he accepted pain and even death for all of humanity despite his faith in us being brought to it's lowest point. If He could endure that, surely I can endure the scorn much as he did: Silently not returning evil with evil, but asking my Heavenly Father to forgive those who hate me, for they do not know what they do.
In fact, I'm proud to have my work in His name mocked and spat on. Stephen never would have never been stoned had he not told those who rejected God's Will what they needed to hear, and Saul never would have shaken off his own sin to become Paul had he not shown the bravery to face death and public hatred to speak the truth and thus start the chain of events that led to Saul being blinded and later brought into the service of the very one he had once persecuted as Paul, his greatest advocate.
I don't know if I will ever have to face my own mortality via those who wish to end my life, but I have been been the target of contemptuous hatred in some corners, and I won't return it, but neither do I fear it. Rather, I merely hope my example (as weak, flawed, and imperfect as it is) brings more Sauls to Pauls.
I won't claim to be a moral giant. If anything, my work at CCG has made me acutely aware of just how little I have to be arrogant about, and how much more I still have no right to look towards Heaven with pride. I doubt even the best work I do for the ministry I serve would make for the humblest offering on the altar of God, I just hope what meager efforts I perform for CCG bring others to Christ for His glory, not my own.
In the meantime, I have no grand ambition. I have no conceit my efforts will ever etch my name into the annals of history, and if future generations never hear of me, given how little I mean compared to God, that would likely be best.
All I hope is that while I here I at least can make some effort to bring glory to God via my writing for ChristCenteredGamer, and even if that means I am to remain in the shadows, I hope that leads others to God's Light.
First off, working for them was not something I immediately considered. I was aware of them long beforehand of course, and while I liked their work, I never thought I'd consider writing for them, until one day I realized they didn't review a game I had in my Steam Library and figured if no one else was going to write it, I could write it for them. That got the ball rolling to where I am today.
I've written game reviews before, as well as reviews for other media, mostly here on this blog, and, I admit, I have written reviews for some very adult media on this very blog. I'm not ashamed to admit that because I no longer have an interest in doing so. I'm not removing any of what I wrote, I have no intention of denying my past; rather it's a reminder of what I stood for then. What I stand for now is something I hope is more pleasing to both myself and more importantly, to the God whose Son died for me.
ChristCenteredGamer has given me an outlet for several interests of mine. First, I love video games. Second, I like to express my thoughts via writing, and finally, I like the idea of helping others. CCG has given me a way to satisfy all three criteria. Second, I always hated what game journalism became since I saw it was like when I was younger, and now I get do more than preach impotently about it, I get to be part of the solution to the problem I bemoaned.
I will admit some things about working for CCG did initially bother me. While I understood their need for including a "moral score" due to their Christian outlook, coming from a revulsion of writing with an ideological chip on the shoulder, I admit it made me uncomfortable at first, even though the moral score was separate from the score on the game on it's technical merits and was written as it's own section that could be discarded at user preference. With time, I've come to realize the discomfort wasn't just me worrying I'd become what I didn't want to be, but it also had another reason, one I didn't want to admit initially, but I must for reasons of honesty.
It forces me to remind myself that while the ultimate decision to do good or evil remains with me alone, what media I consume is also my decision, and what influences that media has on my moral conduct is something I must consider if I wish to avoid normalizing the temptation to do things I know I shouldn't. Having come to terms with that, I'm grateful now I have to always keep that in mind, I have forsaken a lot of media I used to consume that was quite inappropriate for me morally, and I believe I have been made better off for it.
Some of the games I play for review purposes do force me to revisit that area I decided to leave fallow for my own moral benefit, but I do so now for a better cause: to brave the feral jackals of those moral pitfalls so that I may warn my fellow Christians about what to avoid. Having once lived amongst those jackals at one point, I believe I can use my former past experiences to now serve as warning what to avoid, both for myself and for others who wish to minimize the negative influences of this world upon them.
I'm aware my writing has earned me both friends and enemies, and as I learned, my friends are a loving Christian community who has been there for me in times of hardship, and even more importantly, served as a conscience for me when my own was lacking, and while it shamed me to be found wanting when I was rebuked, I accept that gladly, as I believe I have been kept on a better path in the long run.
As to my enemies, I have had my religion, my family, and myself cursed and scorned by those who have nothing but bad faith and ill will for what I do and what I stand for. So be it. Jesus was cursed and spat on by those he came to help, and he accepted pain and even death for all of humanity despite his faith in us being brought to it's lowest point. If He could endure that, surely I can endure the scorn much as he did: Silently not returning evil with evil, but asking my Heavenly Father to forgive those who hate me, for they do not know what they do.
In fact, I'm proud to have my work in His name mocked and spat on. Stephen never would have never been stoned had he not told those who rejected God's Will what they needed to hear, and Saul never would have shaken off his own sin to become Paul had he not shown the bravery to face death and public hatred to speak the truth and thus start the chain of events that led to Saul being blinded and later brought into the service of the very one he had once persecuted as Paul, his greatest advocate.
I don't know if I will ever have to face my own mortality via those who wish to end my life, but I have been been the target of contemptuous hatred in some corners, and I won't return it, but neither do I fear it. Rather, I merely hope my example (as weak, flawed, and imperfect as it is) brings more Sauls to Pauls.
I won't claim to be a moral giant. If anything, my work at CCG has made me acutely aware of just how little I have to be arrogant about, and how much more I still have no right to look towards Heaven with pride. I doubt even the best work I do for the ministry I serve would make for the humblest offering on the altar of God, I just hope what meager efforts I perform for CCG bring others to Christ for His glory, not my own.
In the meantime, I have no grand ambition. I have no conceit my efforts will ever etch my name into the annals of history, and if future generations never hear of me, given how little I mean compared to God, that would likely be best.
All I hope is that while I here I at least can make some effort to bring glory to God via my writing for ChristCenteredGamer, and even if that means I am to remain in the shadows, I hope that leads others to God's Light.
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