Recently, I got some news from my mother concerning my father's latest visit to the doctor that turned into a hospital stay that turned into a bit of a bombshell announcement. What was apparently some mild concern over some irregularities in some bodily levels discovered during the visit turned into an official announcement of something I long suspected, I was just waiting for it to become official.
Basically, my dad's kidneys, which have been sub-optimal for some time and which he required hospital stays for before, it's gotten to the point he's basically been told he either needs to be put in nursing home for constant dialysis or he can try to live out the rest of his days as comfortably as possible with hospice care.
Now, this is not exactly a surprise, I had been expecting this for awhile. The poor man has also incurred injuries that forced him to retire a bit early from his job and is plagued with gout (a nasty variant that seems to be unfortunately hereditary), so it's not exactly news to me he hasn't been in the best of health. He's tried to endure being rendered what amounts to an invalid, but it hasn't been easy, and all of his maladies have forced him to endure a lot of pain.
So he recently made a decision he's not going to fight his fate, dialysis would merely stave off the Reaper and his kidneys are not getting better barring a literal miracle regardless, so he just wants whatever time he has left on this Earth to be as comfortable as possible. He's in no hurry to die, but he wants his remaining time to live to be as comfortable as possible.
That all said, I just want to say I'm proud of him for deciding he's going to live as long as possible, but that he's ready to meet his eventual fate with as much dignity as possible when the time comes, he's made peace with God and I more than respect that.
He's far from dead yet, but I still want to add a few remarks on his father (the third official person in my life to claim the title). My mother has been married three times, the first two losers being embarrassments whose lives I don't envy and don't wish to emulate and who my mother freely admits were mistakes she's happy to be rid of. My own name comes from the first embarrassment, but I thankfully share no genetic relation whatsoever with the man, but while Mom was never entirely happy I share his name, I rather like being called Daniel, it means "God is My Judge", and I like having that reminder hang over me. I wish the man whose name I share took that as seriously as I do, but since he's basically not in my life and I'm not regretting the loss one little bit, I don't really care one way or another, I'll let God handle that.
But enough about that guy, onto the man my mother currently calls a husband who deserves the respect that position entails.
They've been honorably married for over twenty years now, and he's the only man my mother ever called a husband who deserves to be regarded as my father. Sure, he has his flaws and a lot of his foibles have never sat entirely right with me, but he's been utterly faithful to my mother and taken good care of me since they first married, and he's the first man in mother's life I've have honored by giving him the full respect the title of Father entails.
While he was able to move a lot more, he introduced me to the joys of wild game, hunting, fishing, and the great outdoors in general. I used to be an utterly introverted person before he entered my life, and he has my eternal gratitude for expanding my horizons in terms of interests. Ever since he was rendered an invalid, it depressed him to not be able to indulge his outdoorsman passions and I honestly hurt for him, I'd feel like someone took away a key piece of my life like he felt he was crippled in more than one way when came to realize those days were at an end for him.
Now, with the most recent update on his slowly failing kidney function, he's found peace with his situation and just want to live out his remaining days free of as much pain as possible, hoping to spend as much time as he has left on the planet, but when it's his time, he wants to accept whatever fate God has in store for him with as much dignity as possible, and as his son, I understand and entirely respect that, and I intend to do everything in my power to make sure however long God lets him stick around is as pleasant as possible.
Besides, for all his flaws, he was always there for me when a father should be, it's only proper I show proper filial loyalty to someone who deserves it and return the favor. The God whom we both consider our Heavenly Father would want that too, and I have every intention of honoring both.
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