How to deal with unreasonable superiors

I write this as a reflection how I've learned to deal with people above me in various who are unreasonable.

This can range from an unreasonable boss or employer to some asshole mod on a website, but the advice applies equally to all unreasonable superiors wherever you go, and I hope this advice helps you deal with them.


For starters, NEVER respond in kind: It is a basic impulse that when someone is a prick, you lash out in kind yourself, as no one like to be insulted, browbeaten, or treated like shit, especially if they are in a position of authority and are clearly using that as a justification for shitting on you.

But never respond in kind for the following reasons.


1. Never give them the high ground: People who do this want you to give them justification for their asshole behavoir, especially superiors, bosses, or some other figure in a position of authority looking for an excuse to justify punishing you for whatever reason, justified or not, even if they do or don't have reason to be legitimately displeased.

The point is that they don't have to be unduly cruel, spiteful, or vicious in their reprimands, but they often can be, and honestly, it's a just fragile way to assert power that reveals them as weak people.

The reason you refuse to give them any justification for being an asshole is that you don't want to be seen as the bastard. Not only because you wish to deny the boss in question any right to say their asshat behavior was justified by your responses, you want to be able to say you showed respect throughout and they chose to be the asshole of their own free will anyway.

It also backfires on them later if their asshat ways come back to bite them, not many will defend someone who acted like they were above showing respect while demanding it of others when they no longer have power, so bite your tongue and let their spiteful antics be currency that will be their undoing later.


2. Rob them of any ability to get people to agree with them: Even if they do have legitimate points in their displeasure, if they are being assholes about it, don't let them make people sympathize with them despite their undue spite. Show basic decency to all involved so none defend them on moral grounds even if they try to cower behind the very rules they try to enforce as an excuse, and the only people left who will still defend them will also be those of ill moral repute at best.

And most importantly, at least you can look in the mirror and say you never gave them cause others would concur justified their cruelty.


3. Make them the villain, no matter what: And you do this not by lashing out, or worse, calling out their hypocrisy, even if it's richly earned or they are the vilest of hypocrites, these people are in a position to screw you over, and even if you are in a position to shit all over them and not be punished for it despite their outranking you, you still lose, because it will be said later you were no better than them even when pressured.


4. Don't throw away a chance to justifiably strike back better more effectively.: If you are verbally abused by a superior at a job and it eventually culminates in them dreaming up a dumb reason to shitcan you, if you have a spotless record of not returning the favor, you deny them the ability to taint any wrongful termination suit you may launch later.

If on something like a webforum when you are expelled because of the capricious whims of someone in power, it still pays to never return their hatred in kind. Once free of them, you are free to spread your story of their dickhead ways of course, but even then restrain your urge to blast bile everywhere, it prevents them from retroactively justifying their ways later, and if the old administration falls and a new one allows an appeal of your termination, your previous decency will mitigate in your favor.


5. If you must show dissent regardless, bend every effort to be as polite as possible: If someone does something wrong in their position of authority or what you perceive as wrong, either way, show any dissent as polite and respectfully as possible while still acknowledging the ultimate authority they hold.

By the same token, if they make accusations loaded with bullshit, politely admit you disagree with their assumptions of your actions and character, but leave it at that if you must defend yourself, and if they do have a legitimate case against you for misconduct, still acknowledge their ultimate authority to mete out a reprimand, even if you are disgusted with the venal and petty means they delivered it you.


6. Show proper gratitude to authority figures who do show you legitimate courtesy: In a dispute with multiple authority figures involved, make a point of practicing the above while showing the utmost respect to the authority figures who don't act like human sewage. Not only does their grace and humanity deserve acknowledgement, you make clear the ones who couldn't be civil are regarded with contempt without being petty about it, while you make a good impression on those who chose to be the better people while still doing their jobs.

It pays off in your favor in future cases because even if the dickhead(s) tries to screw you over later, they look worse in the eyes of their peers, especially if they did so out of petty spite despite never giving them justification to rationalize their contempt.